I thought it might be fun to offer up a few samples of ArtSpeak and then translate them for your edification:
HOW ORIGINAL! = ( I've never seen this level of crap before.)
HIS USE OF SPACE IS EYE-POPPING! = ( He ran out of canvas.)
HIS COLOR CHOICES ARE UNBELIEVABLE! = ( Is that puke green or baby shit yellow?)
WHAT A SURPRISING TALENT! = ( I thought he parked cars at the Cheese Factory.)
WHEN YOU EXAMINE THE SUB-CONTEXT OF HIS NARRATIVE WORK, YOU'LL SOON DISCOVER THE DEPTH OF HIS EXPRESSION IS BASED ON NON-LINEAR VISUAL CUES. =
( This zinfindel isn't bad.)
Okay, now....get out there and support your local art scene!
Comments (14)
STUNNING! = Looks like something out of First Grade!
I HAD TO TAKE A SECOND LOOK! = No one can be that bad on purpose!
Posted by GarandFan | June 11, 2010 9:51 AM
Posted on June 11, 2010 09:51
HEY G
You're hip to this. I was hoping for additional entries.
Posted by john cox | June 11, 2010 10:00 AM
Posted on June 11, 2010 10:00
I like the painting hangining on the wall -- is there something wrong with me?
Yo
Posted by Yocheved Menashe | June 11, 2010 12:18 PM
Posted on June 11, 2010 12:18
I never knew that art like that was possible! (Stolen from Amadeus so I can't really take credit for it)
Posted by Martin | June 11, 2010 12:18 PM
Posted on June 11, 2010 12:18
KIND OF PICASO-ESQUE. (Only worse!)
HIS BRUSH STROKES ARE AMAZING. (He couldn't draw a straight line with a ruler.)
THE FRAME SETS IT OFF. (The artist should be hung!)
THIS IS HIS BEST WORK. (What, is he in second grade?)
HMMM (I hated geometry.)
Posted by Tom Wms. | June 11, 2010 12:22 PM
Posted on June 11, 2010 12:22
HEY YO
In this little cartoon, I wanted to create a bit of lousy art to set up the "translations". Dang if I didn't enjoy putting the shapes and squiggles ANTWHERE I WANTED with absolutely no regard for rhyme or reason. But that is the illusion. I did that little fart of a visual with SOME KIND OF DECISION_MAKING PROCESS. So in the end, I cannot escape the "rhyme and reason" of making marks just because I fail to acknowledge where they came from. Weird, huh?
Posted by john cox | June 11, 2010 5:11 PM
Posted on June 11, 2010 17:11
MY TWO YEAR OLD COULD PAINT BETTER THAN THAT! = (Maybe I could get my two year old to paint me something like that.)
NOW THAT'S ART. = (Is that art?).
J's "color choices" and G's "second look" cracked me up. 3 rubber chickens for the both of ya.
Posted by Kevin[0] | June 11, 2010 10:07 PM
Posted on June 11, 2010 22:07
You know, there WAS someone who got their little kid to paint abstract art masterpieces and took the art world by storm until the secret got out. Then the art world was falling all over themselves with competing theories about how it was either horrible that they got scammed, or that the work was marvelous regardless of how it came into being.
Posted by Mauser | June 11, 2010 11:41 PM
Posted on June 11, 2010 23:41
IT'S AN ECLECTIC AND SERIOUS WORK - (I have no idea what it is - are you sure they didn't hang it upside down?)
IT'S A NEW COMMISSION - the gallery got taken to the cleaners buying that piece of crap.
IT APPEARS TO HAVE INSPIRATION FROM - it also looks like my baby son threw up his orange juice again.
Posted by Dr. Bob | June 12, 2010 1:42 AM
Posted on June 12, 2010 01:42
C'mon folks - Cox is settin' y'all up. Any serious art connoisseur can tell you that the painting is, in fact, an original Rube Goldberg!
Posted by Ed B | June 12, 2010 2:00 AM
Posted on June 12, 2010 02:00
Hey ED B:
Them's is feudin' words.
________________________________________________
HOOZIZ DA WIZE GUY WHAT FRAMEDID MY DROP-CLOTH? (Who framed my drop-cloth?)
AN ORIGINAL DAVE BROMSTAD? WHAT IS THIS--A PEANUT GALLERY? (Self-explanatory)
WHO THE #$&% IS JACKSON POLLOCK? (Who the #$&% Is Jackson Pollock? This is the question an old lady asked an art professor when he saw what turned out to be an original Jackson Pollock at her yard sale. The old lady bought the painting at a thrift store for $5, & it has been authenticated via a fingerprint. Now all of the art snobs who thought they were "special" because they paid several pantloads for a Jackson Pollock are P.O.ed because a little old lady picked up a HUGE one for $5--& apparently the bigger the Jackson, the better the Jackson.)
John, you may think that's lousy art, but there's a female "artiste" in this town who couldn't do that well on her best day. She's from old money, & she entertains her delusions with a gallery filled mostly with her "work". The only time people (who aren't from her social circle) go there are when she has special exhibitions featuring the work of other artists in her "ell" wing.
Posted by Terwiliger | June 12, 2010 3:24 AM
Posted on June 12, 2010 03:24
NOW I KNOW WHY THEY'RE ONLY SERVING WARM VELVEETA ON SALTINES & RIPPLE. I WONDER HOW THEY GOT THE CRUST ON THE VELVEETA.
WHERE'S WALDO? HOW WOULD I KNOW IF FOUND HIM?
UH, YOU GUYS BETTER BE CAREFUL. THIS GUY DID A TOUR IN 'NAM. HE TITLES EVERYTHING HE DOES "STRAFING".
Posted by Terwiliger | June 12, 2010 4:13 AM
Posted on June 12, 2010 04:13
LET'S SAY THAT OBAMA DID IT & SEE IF HE WINS A NOBEL PRIZE IN ART.
THEN LET'S SAY GEORGE W. BUSH DID IT & SEE IF THEY BLAME EVERYTHING ON IT.
Posted by Terwiliger | June 12, 2010 4:16 AM
Posted on June 12, 2010 04:16
I was going to do a translation, but everybody seems to have already covered it. So here's a joke instead (stolen)...
What do you get if you cross a painter with a boxer?
- Mohammed Dali
Posted by Steve M | June 12, 2010 7:01 AM
Posted on June 12, 2010 07:01