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True Story:

"No this isn't Humanities 102 This is Math 494"

First Day of Diff. Eq. in college



Another day in post-racist, post-misogynist Western culture: "Are you sure you're in the right room?"


"Is this correct, professor?"


No, Dr. Smythe - in our racial/gender quota formula here at our Temple of Learning, this should be E-3xy to reduce the number of undesirable students by gender, skin color and sexual preferences...

"My wife doesn't understand me."

Tom Wms.:

It's not that simple, Michelle. Here, let me explain it to you one more time...

Tom Wms.:

Hmm. Let me see, Michelle. Based on all the data, Barak's chances of winning are...

No, seriously. These are the adjustments that we have to make to surface-station temperature records so that pre-1980 temps are lower and post-1980s are higher.

How else do you expect us to convince the public that we should run the global economy?

Oh, and that sweater will be TOTALLY inappropriate in the future. Get something more filmy, will ya?

"Whether or not I am wearing pants is irrelevant to this equation."

And as you can see by my mathematical proof, it is conclusive that you should go out to dinner with me tonight!


Therefore: Time does equal money.


My, those are very impressive . . . pocket protectors.


"Yeeeeaaah...I noze muh paihs 'n sigmuhs is bakwids 'n muh demonimatuz be ridin' lo...buh'ahm a maf pimp, 'n dats how ah roll...nowhuh'aaaahmsayin?"


"Have you seen my glasses anywhere?"

"It's not working out! It's not WORKING OUUT!!"

"Okay, what random maths squiggle do you want me to write next?"


1. "No, I don't know what it means, either. But it certainly looks impressive."

2. "And all that--to prove to you that no, I cannot give you a B for the course."

3. "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."


Sure, I could just tell you what time it is, but where's the fun in that?


"...and that's why woman can't 'do math'. Simple, huh?"

"Um, Miss Letourneau, that IS a slide rule in my pocket, AND I am most happy to see you.
Once you finish Teacher's College, though, you should find a younger man."


"Actually, this is gibberish...I hate to admit it, but I miss those entitled, socially promoted idjits we churn out, & I do this every Monday of summer break to remind me of them to get me through to August."


"Yes, the administration actually makes me give partial credit for creativity... I would have given you credit for 'metric seven', but your failure to cite Fred G. Sanford is an honors violation for plagiarism..."

Who cares if you're an idiot as long as you give somebody else credit?


"Sorry, this is an engineering class. I don't credit for what you wish the answer was. Try poltical science."


1. "So you see, this is why I can't go out with you."

2. "This is how much money you can save if you just wait for the BOGO sale at Payless."

3. "Yes, this is Math 650, but you're a girl."

4. "HELP ME! If I stop writing equations the black board will explode."

Militant Bibliophile:

See, it's simple!


I hate math majors!


John Cox is a painter, cartoonist, and illustrator for hire. For information about purchasing existing work or commissioning new work, contact him by e-mail at john555cox [at] hotmail.com.

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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on June 23, 2008 2:44 PM.

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